Finally realized

It sad to say that I just realized who among my friends I really want to be around. Too late I know..but we human always learn the lesson "After".

I didn't learn the hard way at all. It was a regular nice day where I went back home and a bulb lighten up in my head.

I realized that day that I went back home happy, relaxed, and in peace. I tried to figure out why and realized , it was them!

I don't feel bad with them..

I don't feel like an underdog..

I wasn't humiliated..

I didn't have to kill myself trying to explain myself.

I was truly me..and that's because of them!

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Why?

So many things I want..but I'm doing nothing to get them.

It has always been like that. I would tell myself that sooner or later you will have it so don't bother yourself..
.. But things don't work this way

That's probably why, I'm usually way behind..




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Dear me,
I Havant written anything for a while but nothing has changed.

I'm still stupid.







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My Future half..

Who are you?
How will you be?
What future do I have with you?
How will you treat me?


Will you deserve me?
Will I deserve you?

Are we stronge enough?
Wre we smart enough?
.
.
.
Can we make it?






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Guilt of weakness.

When you are weak, you surrender to the devil.

When you are weak, you can't control your emotions.

When you are weak, you can't hold your secrets anymore.

When you are weak, you fall for the wrong person.

When you are weak, you harm yourself and slowly destroy it.

I'm guilty of committing weakness.. And the guilt is my punishment.

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Is this the beginning ?

I need someone who I can trust to answer. Why is it wrong?

I search for it and all the answers were that it could lead to a serious problem. I'm not convinced especially that it is superficial and can barely stay for more than a day.

They try to convince me that I should stop because life is not that bad. Well, life isn't bad, but I am.

I've only done it twice though and I hope I won't need it again. But till then, I hope someone will convince me.

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Hopefully the only one

She makes me feel like a trash

I'm annoying I know. But I don't know why I can't hold myself with her.

It won't stop, It won't change.

I just hope she is the only one.




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درس

الأثر الطيب هو مايبقى و الأخلاق الحسنة تجعلك لك أثرا حتى في نفوس من لم يعرفوك.

يارب اجعلني ممن حسنت أخلاقه وطاب ذكره بين الناس حتى يشفع لي عندك يارب. 

In memory of Ala'a Albluwi.

I've never known this girl in person but what I've heard about her the past years made me admire her strength and respect her a lot

She was at my age. She was known by her high spirit, white heart and her smile. A very ambitious girl with great dreams for her future

But just after she graduated from high school, She got Cancer which continued in spreading till she had to lose her eye for it

Years of struggling with the worst fate yet that didn't defeated her, she remained strong and kept the smile even after it spread all through her body

I admired her a lot. How a person who goes through all of that can still smile and be nice to everyone 

That girl passed away today </3 and all I can say is الله يرحمها برحمته و يجعل ماجاها شفاعة لها ..

Losing a true friend for any reason is one of the most horrifying things to me. I'll sacrifice my dignity to keep a true friendship.

I will forgive, and forgive, and forgive ....and forgive..and will never stop forgiving as long as you regret it.. And as long as it is you.
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The feelings after expressing myself

Post-revealing unexplained regret is ur inner-self'voice trying to tell you (I don't Trust That Person).The less Trust the louder the voice.

And do you know what feels great? When you let it all out and Zero regrets is felt.
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Disappointed 2

It really hurts when those who are so special to you don't think of you the same way.
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لك الحمد والشكر ربي فأعني على حمدك وشكرك.
اللهم يامقلب القلوب والأبصار ثبت قلبي على دينك اللهم يا مصرّف القلوب صرّف قلبي على طاعت
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It always so tense in here.
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تعقل

لم أندم يوما على أخذ نفس عميق قبل البدء في الشجار. فدائما ما يتضح لي سوء فهمي للأمر قبل أن أطلق النفس.
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من للمسيء يارب .
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الموت

أتسأل من سيزار في المرة القادمة.
إنه لشيء مرعب. وحقيقة كوني لكم أستعد بأي شيء ترعبني لحد الموت.ربما المرة القادمة دوري!.

أشهد أن لا إله إلا الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله.
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الحمد الله

يااارب يعجز لساني عن شكرك لحالي الآن
اأنا سعيدة وسط أهلي و كلنا سعداء.
اللهم أعني على ذكرك وشكرك وحسن عبادتك.
الحمد الله كما ينبغي لجلال و جهك وعظيم سلطانك.
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Insecurity

Dear Noha,‎​

I read this someewhere and it reminded me of you:

Insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable in some way, or a sense of vulnerability which threatens one's self-image.

A person who is insecure lacks confidence in their own value, and one or more of their capabilities, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by "going wrong" in the future. This is a common trait, which only differs in degree between people.

Source : internet.

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The reason for boredom

I can almost say that I've never chosen what I like. In the battle of brain and heart.. My brain Always wins.
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كُبلت قلوبنا فحارت عقولنا حتي خارت الأرواح.

كبلناها بالمعاصي
فحارت العقول كيف سبيل الخلاص حتى خارت الأرواح وصارنا كالاموات .
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الرماديون

لعجزهم عن التفكير و بؤس اختياراتهم حكموا على العالم بالرمادية و أرتدوا السواد و أقروه لباسا للحكمة و أسموه واقعا مشرقا وكل مادونه وهم..
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Coma

Coma..? maybe ?
Without any damages or side effects..
Just to make time passes peacefully..quietly..and no disturbing..

I'm not able to keep up with what is happening. And I know it won't get easier.

So maybe coma will help?

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It is not a matter of what I want anymore, I NEED A TIMEOUT.


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Wondering

Too scary to hide, too silly to say and too active to forget about. What can a person do with such a thought. #IWonder
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A wish

على شرط إن ربي يكون راضي عني
I wanna die before this thing become real..


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Capture13_52_10.jpg

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Official-Dairy

Nothing really but I thought it may be worth it to note down that in the last Thursday 23-6 I was officially engaged ^^
Nothing so special about it since it was all men stuff and I got a part of my maher..
Mmmm it was also between 2 relative weddings, Sara K at Wednesday and Aunt Latifa at Friday..

And I told my friends how didn't  know yet and the reactions was hilarious since many of them thought it was a prank XD and some didn't start believing it till 2 days after

That's it ^^


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Why am I always desperately trying to get their attentions..?

Why does matter to me to be a part of their life..?

Why am I so pathetic..?
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Love

RT:@TheRandomWords G: If you love me, scream it to the whole world B:whispers: I love you. G: Why did you whisper? B:Cause you're my world.
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That's about it

Please don't apology.

You both did it. U both avenge. That's about it.
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Random thoughts

I wish if I can send letter of prayers to god.

I think I know now what is wrong.

Failure in responsibilities = Failure in rewards.

A new obligation:
أعرف ربك في الرخاء يعرفك في الشدة.

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It's not what I've lost that worries me the most, its what I'm losing.

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Psy101: Horrible Thoughts

What I heard today freaked me out.
The instructor told us about a story of a woman who had a multi personality disorder or something like that. I asked her : was she born with it? She responded: No she developed it with age.

I'm not one of those who are paranoid and relate to any disease or disorder they hear. But I dirctly related to its symptoms! I've always thought that my "daydreams" and "Virtual world" that I created to myself will lead me to a serious problems but never actually consider these thought!
Should I consult someone ? I cant !

Should stop ? I also can't ! This world is my hideout from the rest of the world! Nothing helps me feeling better like it!.

I'm seriously scared !
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A goal

I want to plant my idea, grow my dreams and harvest success so I can feed myself a better world with flavor of satisfaction
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مب خوفي من الموت

بس خوفي إذا قابلت ربي فين أودي وجهي منه! ضيعت أمانته!ه.

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قبيل الظهر كانت تتحدث معي بسعادة وتطلق النكات . تحدثنا عن مختلف المواضيع وجاءت بذكر والدها المريض.


بعد المغرب جاء خبر وفاته.
اتصلت بي من فجاعة ما ألم بها لم تدري ماذا تقول .


إنه لمن المرعب تغير الأحوال.
أنا اليوم سعيدة و سليمة و آمنة
غدا كيف سأكون


اللهم ارحمه وثبته عند السؤال و اسكنه فسيح جناتك يارب
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أشعر بي

من المؤلم إن يتنحى شخصا عن الطريق لكي تتمكن من العبور.. بينما كان هو مقصدك الذي عبرت من أجله.
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Faking

I fake reactions.
But my "Actions" are always Honest and pure.
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What is wrong !

What is the hell wrong with me !!

Nothing is satisfying me !!!!

Before a simple silly thing will make my day no matter how bad is it and now !! No matter how good was my day I always find a way to ruin my mood !
يارب لا تعاقبني ><!!
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Avoiding (ANY) social gathering has became a habit.

That's not good noha.
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When we start doing things to please others. The pain starts.



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"The" Friend

There is "a" close friend.
And there is "The" close friend.
No matter how many "very" followed the "a".
"The" always leads.
"The" is always what u need.
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Happiness dose-1-

Going to bed directly when I'm so exhausted, is one of what I call " daily doses of happiness"
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Unexpected feelings

Today was a long-waited day.

We finally got to meet.

I thought I will be shy , but I wasn't . All what I felt was a bit of embarrassment  and that's all . Actually,  more than a couple of times I had to force myself  not to talk.

I wonder why did I feel that way ? Is it that I was so comfortable with him ? Or I just can't think of him that way ?

My hopes and future is in my God hand. And I trust he will lead me to what is best for me.

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I'm sorry myself

She will never understand how painful it was for me when she exposed my secret.

I can't be mad at her I know she meant no harm , but she is the only one I trusted with that small secret and I emphasised that under any circumstances , it should not even be mentioned at all not even by a hint . But she did it.

my head is already burning with thought and now my heart is broken . these injuries that doesn't not kill a friendship hurts so much.

I'm sorry dear myself I didn't know that till I hurt you. Please forgive me.

And my dear friend , I forgive you.

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Capture18_57_4.jpg

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In short

It is mostly about who is saying it rather than what is said. You could be saying the wisest words yet if you are not that person , you are just a noise .
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I jst want it to be over

Over...I jst want it to be over
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I'm cursed

It feels that this semester I'm cursed with a ( the almost lower mark ) curse =_="

يارب لا تعاقبني يارب سامحني إذا قد يوم علقت او تشمت بأحد بدون ما أدري
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لا عاد تأجلين

There so many times in my life where I curse myself for not doing what I have to do when I had to do it and save myself from the embarrassment

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نعم

الصورة تغني عن ألف كلمة
قد يكون أكثر ما يتمناه في هذه اللحظة
فراش وفير
وسادة مريحة
لحاف دافئ
وجدران حامية

هذه النعم أجدها كل يوم مأمنة و الحمد الله بدون حتى أن أكلف نفسي عناء التفكير فيها
فهل شكرت ربي عليها ؟
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Bαre3α=_ whatever will be will be the future is not ours to see3.jpg

I want to sleep in a place like that !! <3 <3

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Friend 2

I miss being surrounded by my closest friends ..
Those are around me are my friend but not "my own" buddies

I feel lost trying to satisfy everyone .. Then I end up making everyone angry ..

I wanna be special to someone who is special to me </3
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